Kept Visions

Originally uploaded by Chin Hor.

I feel bashful when I am told my photographs are nice. I've seen a gazillion more, online, by regular people like myself, which are way nicer than mine *embarrassed* But I enjoy taking photographs very much, I think i always have since i was old enough to hold cameras. I realized whenever I am inspired to take photographs; which is often, be it inspired by God, God's work, people, situations, events etc; I am in my own zone, my element :) I'm no pro though, I don't do it for a living.

It's been raining buckets lately. I think the monsoon season is coming earlier, just as Hari Raya and Chinese New Year are every year. It did not rain during the day yesterday though. I also realized that with all the raining lately, there are some days where there are simply amazing looking skies in our city, Kuala Lumpur. It sometimes annoys me that living in the city means I am almost devoid of beautiful looking rich blue skies and cotton candy clouds simply because our city air is extremely polluted. The skies above KL most of the time are either grey, white or awfully flat and ugly *puke* Makes 'crazy photographers' like myself and James demotivated sometimes *haha*

On my way to KLCC to have lunch with Bihzhu and Jo yesterday, I managed to catch a few glimpses of beautiful skies. Needless to say, out came my trusty digital camera and *click*click*snap*. Good thing I was caught in heavy traffic, gave me opportunities to snap these pictures. People must have wondered what I was doing, but who cares? :)

Lunch was good, it's always nice meeting up with some of your closest friends. I am at my best also when i am dishing out some verbal help and advice to people, that's what I realized about myself. I may be totally down in the dumps sometimes but I will never and can never turn down a plea for help. Like I mentioned in one of my older blog entries, helping others can help rejuvenate you, help you as well. Jo felt I gave good advice, as it was also applicable in our own lives as well. Like a reminder I guess...

Lately, I again have felt my life being nurtured and defined by God. I've questioned myself over and over the past year about what could possibly be my vocation from God. I've spoken to my mentor about this and thus far, me and no other person has really had a clue about this. However, I might be beginnning to catch a glimpse of what might be. The path that God is beginning to lay before me, away from what is behind me. I can feel God working in my life, places certain key pieces (people, scenarios, obstacles) in my life and I am beginning to see another big picture, but aligned with what was formerly, my vision. I've had all sorts of visions before. Those who know me, know what sort of person I am - I've made plans to undertake certain things most people wouldn't attempt to do or try.

My first 6 months as a Christian was a honeymoon. Then last year, God taught me a lot of things, made me realize a lot of things - but all the hard way. Knowing the life He's called me to lead, changing up my life and giving it one heck of an overhaul, made my earthly vision, a vision with agendas aligned with His agenda. I am not afraid to fall. Not afraid to try things. Not to sound hypocritical, and before someone attacks me, let me just be politically correct and say I still feel afraid too at times, I am but human; but I do not let it hinder me from rising up to the challenge my Maker has set for me. I have no earthly desire to succeed and gain approval in the corporate sector, to gain earthly accolades anymore. Everyone said I had it made for me, that I was gonna be successful and rich and yeah...whatever. Who cares? I have more risks now, more concerns, wonder more about when I might have a next job to do, concern about earning money etc. BUT I feel more fulfilled doing the kind of work I do now, I have more time for the truly more important things in life - God, ministry, family, loved ones and friends.

Me and Jo are beginning to have certain plans to begin doing certain things - and our careers are beginning to align as well. For the time being, they are too personal to share but am sure everyone will hear about it once things begin to kick off :)

"I don't need to be self-motivated, God is my motivation". (JJ, Nov 2004)

God, help me, and strengthen us.
Guide us, and if this is in your will,
we will struggle and fight for you, but guide us please.
Let us not feel discouraged and demotivated.
(JJ, Nov 2004)

Amen to that.