Pictures paint a thousand words indeed. So the saying goes. That's my dad right there in that picture. This picture pretty much sums up the kind of childhood and teenagehood I had with my dad, a disjointed and separated one. It always felt like we were in separate booths and places, just like this picture, divided by some sort of barrier.
To cut a long one short, and besides, my life's story is personal and the stories are far too many and long; it was not till I turned 21 that our relationship began improving. Mum always reminds us that no matter what, I'll always still be his flesh and blood. Yes i am. The anger, resentment, discontentment and premature hatred are gone now. We learn to let go, God gives us patience and love for those things :)
I may not have understood why other kids went for fishing with their dads and stuff when I was a child, or why a man who saw so little of me, spent most of his time scolding or beating me when he did see me. But I finally know something now, being a man myself, I do love him, deep down, all this time.
Lots of lessons and values in life were learnt from this man, the man that I am today is also a credit to him, he had a hand in making me who I am, even though that hand was not always around. Every man has his misgivings. My dad has his. I fault him for some, but I also acknowledge the good man that he is, the kind heart he has, the good deeds he does, the good mind he possesses and the good thinker he is.
But I do love him. I guess I never wanted to believe that because of the spite. The best part of it all is, despite all the lost time that can never be retrieved, I finally can say one more important thing, the most important thing that I would never have said before this - I finally know, acknowledge and understand... that he loves me too.
6 comments:
good that u can "reconcile" with your dad. wish i could do and say the same but.....other than putting me through college, i just can't think of what other responsibilities he has fulfill as my father. that's why i promise myself and sl that that history will not repeat itself with me and nn.
Thank you Dan :) I am sure you are a wonderful father and I made those same promises to myself as well. Even before we 'reconciled'. But thank you and you hold the record for quickest comment posted on my blog!!! Not even 5 mins after I blogged it!! Wooo Hoooo!!!
JJ: Looking at your story makes me realise how much I take for granted, looking at your forgiveness makes me see how much God has touched your life. And I can only thank God for bringing a born-again Christian into a 'born a Christian' girl's life to teach her a thing or 2 about a faith she almost neglected.
hehe...actually, i was puzzled too. after my comments, i realised that your blog became longer. so i guess u were still editing it when i commented.
u r very youthful but yet ur maturity very much shows. i thank God for a young man like u because nowadays more and more people are not mature, not even at my age (eh, not that i'm that old ok?) 8-).
I noticed both of you have the same smile :-) This is an encouraging post - when one's life is touched by Christ, he moves on to other areas too one by one.
Thanks everyone for the nice feedback! :) This post has generated more comments in a short time than any other of my posts. Contrary to what you see in the picture, my sis is the one who actually resembles my father more than I do. Your feedback are all very appreciated. It was not easy to go through those years, this post merely is the tip of a huge iceberg. However, like Sivin said, when one's life is touched by Christ, he moves on to other areas too, one by one. The best part is, relations began getting better before I came to Christ :) It's like God prepared me for my salvation lil by lil even before it happened for me.
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